idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
