she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
