It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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