Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
