What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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