If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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