Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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