She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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