Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
