The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
