Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
