You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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