it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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