And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
