I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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