They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
