My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A+ Viking dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
