Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
