the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
