Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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