We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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