Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
