remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
