I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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