Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
