What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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