bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
