i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
