My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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