Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
