Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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