I smell stomach acid.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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