Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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