i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
