He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
