Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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