hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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