Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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