He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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