that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
