he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
