after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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