Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
