I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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