If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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