I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
