You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
