it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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