Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
