ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
