Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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