Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
