CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
