there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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