I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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