I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize