i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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