I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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