Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
