So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
