I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
