i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
