Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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