I need help removing her.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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