I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
