There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
