I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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