she was so not down for the gang bang
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
