made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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