who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
