I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
